The enthusiasm most of us had for our New Year's resolutions is pretty much nonexistent now that February is in full swing.
Unlike the first week of January, finding a vacant treadmill at the Y is a piece of cake. (Mmmmm ... cake.) And those home with young children abandoned that whole "I'll only drink wine on the weekends" thing by Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
But there is hope. Coming soon to a school near you is a sure-fire weight-loss tool that is guaranteed to curb your appetite and help you squeeze into your favorite jeans by Presidents Day.
Yes, it's the Stomach Bug.
Since many kids today are so sanitized and anti-bacterialized that they rarely acquire such ailments, they've likely forgotten what the warning signs feel like. And that's where the appetite suppressant comes in: Spend five or 10 minutes cleaning your child's school lunch from the Oriental carpet and you're guaranteed to want to skip dinner.
As an added benefit, you, too, can get the Stomach Bug! Twenty-four hours spent examining the tile in your powder room will surely show up on the scale the next morning.
You just can't beat these quick and effective results!
(Results not typical. Consult your physician before starting this or any other hideous weight-loss program.)
Hilarious! (Until it happens to me...)