February 2011 Archives

When my third grader had a sleepover at a friend's house during last week's February break, the host mom asked what my parameters were in terms of what kinds of movies I let him watch.

"Kissing is fine. Violence not so much," I said.

Well, that pretty much sums it up, doesn't it? If world leaders adopted a "Kissing is Fine/Violence Not So Much" attitude we could all just go back to living our happy little lives.

One of the post-Oscar discussions swirling through the blogosphere today involves an F-word-free version of "The King's Speech," cut in order to earn it a PG-13 rating. Frankly, I think this is pretty stupid. The scene that features the F-word is brilliant, and an integral part of the movie. It is not used in violence or with hate.

Some parents squirm if while watching a movie with their adolescents a bit of swearing or kissing occurs. Yet the sight of a shooting doesn't raise an eyebrow. 

Here's my offer: Take your 12-year-old to see the R-rated version. If you truly feel uncomfortable during the swearing scenes, I owe you a large popcorn.

The scene in question appears below. Warning: It contains, um, swearing.

 

Every time someone like Jared Loughner stuns the entire nation with an unbelievable act of violence, we think: "Why couldn't someone stop him? Didn't anyone notice his dangerously erratic behavior?"

But we are an interesting population right now. We put ourselves out there for public consumption on Facebook and Twitter, but we're also afraid to be politically incorrect and stick our noses where they don't belong. Making a judgment about someone's mental health can be a slippery slope.

"We should be taking signs seriously," says Dr. Laura Saunders, a child and adolescent psychologist at the Institute of Living in Hartford. "Severe mental illness doesn't come on suddenly."

Loughner, who is due in court next week, is accused of killing six people and wounding 13 others, including Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords. Saunders agrees that forming an opinion about someone's state of mind can be complicated.

"There were signs," she says. "But it's extremely hard to predict violence." For example, Loughner's writings were troubling, but he did not have a history of vicious acts.

Saunders believes the best thing to do is alert a professional, such as a school counselor or a police officer, to check out the situation. "Let those authorities make a proper evaluation," she says.

Horrible events also leave us wondering: "How did this happen? What went wrong to make someone do something so horrendous?"

Saunders says it's not always appropriate to look for an easy explanation and blame the shooter's upbringing or family: "Sometimes they were born with emotional vulnerabilities or temperamental difficulties so that there are environments that can make that worse."

Doctors look for three risk factors when determining if a young child has serious mental health problems. Do they set fires? Do they display serious and persistent aggression? Do they hurt animals in a sadistic way? These behaviors should spark parental and professional action.

So those of us who watch the TV coverage of these mass murders shouldn't just stand by with a casual attitude.

"It's an opportunity to look around your environment and say, 'These are things I'm concerned about, and I need to do something about it'," Saunders says.

It's time we get back to basics and trust our gut. Being involved means much more than having 400 friends.

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In response to today's column, which you can read by clicking right here, my inbox is filled with stories of parents of college-age young people who have been pushed to the brink to get where they are now. The overwhelming theme is that parents just want their kids to be happy while in high school, and maybe even learn something. Most of us just want our children to do their best, not be the best.

I finished writing the column this week on the day my son visited a private school, where students are not assigned a class rank and no AP courses are offered.

He loved the place. Not a single Tiger Mother was spotted.

I got a great response to my column about Picky Eaters a few weeks ago.

 

So, I figured this article I found on yahoo.com was a good follow up for all of us that struggle with mealtime.

 

Happy Reading!

 

B.O.B Trailers is recalling jog strollers due to strangulation hazard.  Click here for more information and pictures from the CPSC.

Although my kids have thankfully outgrown the typical kid obsession with McDonald's, we do occasionally find ourselves asking a voice inside a drive-through box if we could please have our arteries blocked. To go.

Usually it's because we didn't plan ahead: Oops - we're on our way to a museum or something and it's 1:00 and we haven't had lunch. My boys are skinny and healthy and eat a decent variety of foods, so I don't sweat the occasional bad meal. But I do count calories and watch what I eat, so when I recently saw a commercial for oatmeal with fruit at Mickey D's, I was pretty psyched.

Until I read this.

Does McDonald's have to make everything bad for you? Oatmeal with fruit could be one of the best foods a person eats all day, but instead, this version truly sucks. More sugar than a Snickers bar and just about the same calories as a McDonald's cheeseburger? Come on. Work with us here.

A friend of mine linked to this neat site on Facebook....saying her daughter loves the DVD.

 

In this day of endless television, internet and Wii, what's better than reading?

Some nice PR person thought this might be good information to share with this blog's readers, who, I assume, are mostly parents:

MORE YOUNG ADULTS CHOOSING TO ADOPT OLDER DOGS INSTEAD OF HAVE CHILDREN

Multiple Jobs & "Me-First" Culture Leave Less Time for Puppy House Training

FORT MYERS, FLA. - (February 22, 2010) - Are more people adopting an older dog because they don't have the time, nor patience, to train a puppy - let alone have children? Flexcin International, which operates the FlexPet Shelter Program to assist the adoption of older dogs, believes this trend is accelerating. Even George Clooney's girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis said recently she doesn't feel the need to have children because she's happy with dogs instead.

In an online survey, Flexcin asked approximately 1,250 pet owners nationwide between the ages of 21-30 and ... more than half (54%) said they are choosing to have dogs instead of children because they're not sure they can handle the larger needs of a child.

 After four days of no school for many of us, with another five to go, this might start to make sense, despite the fact that we can't exactly send our kids back, even if they do forget to flush and have trouble with that whole "pick up your socks" thing.

 

This article on yahoo.com struck me as an appropriate follow up to my now infamous Valtnine's Day column.

A new book, written by a man-woman team, asserts that the best way to attack household chores without anyone feeling resentful is to adopt an "economical" approach.  Do the chores you're good at....let your spouse do the tasks he excels at.  Give it a read...

My husband, Paul, was actually a great sport about my column (though he won't stop talking about it)!  And, my intent was certainly not to call him out in public.  BUT, one of my goals with this column/blog was to bring those conversations that moms have on the playground to life in print.  Have we talked about our better-half's inability to multi-task?  YES!  Many, many times!  Is it an age old complaint?  Yes!

So, I got quite a few comments about my piece...ranging from:  "How could you do that to your husband on Valentine's Day?" to "Duh, women do all the housework.  Tell me something I don't know!" 

It's my job to spark discussion, right?

And, be sure to check out a man's perspective courtesy of my very esteemed colleague here at The Courant, Jim Shea!

 

When my boys went to camp for the first time, I packed their lunches.  Peanut butter sandwiches.  That was all my extraordinarily choosey Sam would eat at the time.  But, sure enough, I received a call within minutes of drop-off.  I had brought the dreaded ingredient into a nut-free building.  When I ran back in, carrying Meal Number Two, I got "the look" from several parents.  You know what I'm talking about.  I felt like an idiot.  But, I'll admit it, before Sam went to first grade and became friends with a boy who has very serious food allergies, I didn't get it.  I didn't fully understand how scary it is for a parent to send her beloved child off in the world not being certain what he'll be exposed to.

Karen Ericson, whose 15 year old daughter is allergic to nuts, says I'm not the only clueless consumer around.  "Travelling is a pain because of the close quarters in an airplane," she says.  "It's scary if you think about it.  Anyone can bring in a bag of peanuts."

"We thought we could offer our patients something," says Dr. Louis Mendelson, who is conducting a new desensitization process at The New England Food Allergy Treatment Center in West Hartford.  "Instead of always having to carry around an epipen and worry about accidental ingestion."  That's why schools have become so strict about classroom parties and lunchroom seating assignments.

This fairly new treatment, called Oral Immunotherapy, involves the patient actually eating small amounts of nuts in a controlled setting.  While supporters hope it will change the future for many allergy sufferers, critics say questions abound.  But, Karen's daughter, Jen, is in her fourth week of treatment which has been going very well.  "I'm hoping I'll be able to eat more and I won't worry as much," she says hopefully. 

As a mom, I find this next piece of information to be frustrating.  Why has the number of kids diagnosed with peanut allergies nearly doubled in the last ten years?  It could be because we delayed the introduction of peanuts to our babies, as we were instructed by our pediatricians.  Mendelson says doctors are now considering different recommendations.

Sure, it's not always easy for us parents of Peanut Butter Lovers to adapt.  Even though it's February, I still have to refer to the list of food on my fridge that is banned from Sam's classroom.  Will this new treatment make Public PB&J's acceptable again?  Only time will tell.

Click here to read a replay of our web chat with Dr. Jeffrey Factor from The New England Food Allergy Treatment Center.

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I'm a mean mommy when it comes to demanding decent behavior for live performances. Our town's public schools encourage this, which is pretty cool. Younger siblings are very much welcomed at concerts and are expected to sit quietly. It's a pretty basic thing to teach your kids.

But a few years ago, during a holiday concert with poor seating and acoustics (the concert was held in the Cafetorium, after all) I glanced over at my youngest son, who was playing Tetris or something on The Husband's Blackberry. I was torn: Yes, he's sitting quietly, but only because he's staring at a screen.

Ever since, I've been one of the few, the proud: The moms who insist that kids actually look and listen and appreciate the performance.

We saw "Shrek the Musical" today at the Bushnell Center for the Performing Arts and I would like to commend the parents and children of the Greater Hartford area. Aside from the kid sitting in front of me whose parents never thought to tell him to stop blocking the view for those us unfortunate enough to have gotten seats behind him (Mezzanine row G: I'm talking to you - those booster seats are for sitting, not for kneeling) the kids at today's matinee were perfectly behaved and not a single Nintendo DS was spotted from my perch. I was looking.

Bravo to parents who teach their kids about culture, the arts and sitting politely still without the use of something that requires batteries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two third graders happy to wear their new Shrek ears; one fifth grader a little too cool to do so.

 

Proving that this adorable book on manners highlighted in today's Courant is effective, the little girl I passed the book along to has already sent me a thank-you note. (My boys did humor me by reading the book after I wrote about it, but its pink and purple book jacket looked out of place amid the dirty socks and Legos strewn about my house.)

If you've got a birthday party coming up and can't fathom buying yet another gift card (for a store that may or may not go out of business soon), "Merrilee Mannerly and Her Magnificent Manners" is a fine gift choice.

Oh, and you're welcome, Eliza. 

 

Ikea is recalling it's SNIGLAR cribs for repair.  There is a risk the mattress support could collapse causing entrapment or suffication hazard.

 

 

Click here for more information and pictures from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

 

Burlington bassinets have been recalled due to fall hazard.

 

Click here to read more information about the bassinet recall.

 

 

 

Also: Walt Disney Parks and Resorts is recalling these children's watches because there is a risk of skin irritation.

 

Click here for information from the C.P.S.C.

 

 

 

And: Kristi G, Swimways is recalling these child chairs due to the risk of falling.

 

Click here for more details about the chair recall.

 

 

Armed with a wallet-full of gift cards, my economically-savvy fifth grader bought himself an iPod touch, on which he plays games I can neither understand nor see with my aging eyes.

Although I've avoided devices like the Nintendo DS, I now appreciate the fact that he can keep himself amused during his allergy shot appointments, where the magazine selection is beyond dismal.

But things recently became ugly when $30 worth of Smurf Berries was inadvertently charged to our iTunes account. Even to a kid who has a much greater grasp of electronics than seven 40-year-olds put together, this was a pretty tricky move. He had no idea that he was actually "buying" stuff for his farm on the Smurfs' Village app (currently the third top-grossing app on iTunes, despite the fact that the app itself is free.)

We're not the only ones who have been duped. Click right here to read about other suckers. And click here to read the latest on the finger-pointing.

The real question is this: Who is responsible? Apple (or creepy app-designers) - for taking advantage of kids who don't understand the difference between real and make-believe money? Or the parent - too busy updating his Facebook status on his own iPhone to pay attention?

Nurses Choice is recalling Holiday Keepsake Newborn Mittens.  The decoration could come off and pose a choking risk.   These mittens were distributed from hospitals nationwide in the past few months.

Click here for all of the information from the C.P.S.C.

What has your mother done for you lately? Helped with carpooling? Maybe watched the kids overnight?

Grandmas everywhere will now feel inadequate thanks to 61-year-old Kristine Casey, an overachieving grandma who acted as a surrogate for her daughter and gave birth to her own grandchild last week.

Click right here to read this fascinating story.

Who can compete with that? My guess is the other grandma has a trip to Disney in her future.

Photo: Stacey Wescott/Chicago Tribune

I work part-time. On the days I'm heading into the office, I first make lunches, pack bags and get my sons to school. After drop-off, I race to the television station, where I work with crazy intensity. Then, I speed home to make dinner, help with homework, administer baths and manage bedtime.

While I think about kids, house chores and work, sometimes I feel like my husband just thinks of himself. I'm not the only woman who feels this way. Take an informal survey in the grocery line, and you'll hear this marital complaint time and time again.

Just look at this statistic from the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan that I found on yourtango.com: Married men perform about one-third of all household labor, whether or not their wives are employed outside the house.

So how can we stop resentment from building?

 "You can design an alliance," advises Shelton-based life and relationship coach Monica Leggett. "You create almost a pact that says how you're going to work together. It's really thinking, 'We're both part of a whole system'."

Leggett, who is holding a free conference call on "Better Relationships Through Positive Intentions" on Feb. 24, advises not having this talk when you're annoyed, or your spouse could feel criticized and judged. That will just result in defensive behavior.

Instead, when things are going well, she suggests saying, "I love how great our relationship is, and I know we could be even better, especially when we're disagreeing about something."

Do I grimace when Paul steps over a pile of laundry? Yes. Am I snappish when he asks, for the one-millionth time, where I keep the batteries? Yes.

"If there's a lot of hidden thoughts, there's a lot more chance for toxic thinking, toxic behavior," Leggett says. So open the lines of communication before the bickering begins.

"Calmly say, 'This isn't working for me.' All the voices have to get heard."

This attitude will benefit the entire family.

To be fair, my husband handles our finances, which is no small task. And when I've asked for more help from my "better half" lately, he has risen to the occasion. So this Valentine's Day, I will give him a break from the snappish grimaces. Maybe he'll discover the groundbreaking uses for a broom. A girl can dream, can't she?

>>For more expert advice on this topic from Monica Leggett, participate in our Web chat at 9:30 this morning by logging on to http://www.ctnow.com/spousesupport.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has announced two important recalls involving baby monitors.

First, the rechargeable batteries in the Summer Infant Baby Monitor need to be replaced due to burn hazard.  This item was sold exclusively at Babies R Us.

Click here for all of the information.

Also, two strangulation deaths have caused Summer Infant to recall video baby monitor with cord.

Click here for more info and pictures from the CPSC.

 

 

     

 

As toddlers, all three of my boys took turns dressing as Laa-Laa for Halloween. As you might know, Laa-Laa is the yellow, female-ish Teletubby. (We recycle. They also all trick-or-treated as a bat, Harry Potter and a ninja.)

I'm guessing Dr. Phil - who recently advised the mother of a five-year-old boy to discourage him from playing with dolls -- would have steered us away from that wardrobe decision. Had we asked, he probably would have suggested dressing them as the male Tinky Winky character. (No, wait. Tinky Winky carries a purse. That probably wouldn't sit well with him, either.)

Dr. Phil is ruffling feathers with the advice he posted on his web site: "You don't want to do things that seem to support the confusion at this stage of the game," he wrote. "Take the girl things away, and buy him boy toys."

Phil, Phil, Phil.

Do you really want parents to send their kids the message that they can't be comfortable in their own homes? That they should pretend to be something that they're not? Yikes.

"Take the girl things away, and buy him boy toys." Hmm. Would he have suggested taking away my Tonka trucks and Matchbox cars?

It's odd that someone who studies human behavior and relationships is ignoring the fact that gender roles are changing. One day, when that little boy has a baby of his own, his spouse will be grateful that he knows how to change a diaper.

If all this snow has everyone in your house falling victim to cabin fever, Hartford Courant reporter Crystal Maldonado has the perfect medicine for your family -- jump your sillies out at Canton's inflatable indoor playground, Jump!Zone. Read more...

I just read an incredible story about Roses For Autism which inspired me to do a little research about this amazing endeavor in Guilford.

The enthusiasm most of us had for our New Year's resolutions is pretty much nonexistent now that February is in full swing.

Unlike the first week of January, finding a vacant treadmill at the Y is a piece of cake. (Mmmmm ... cake.) And those home with young children abandoned that whole "I'll only drink wine on the weekends" thing by Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

But there is hope. Coming soon to a school near you is a sure-fire weight-loss tool that is guaranteed to curb your appetite and help you squeeze into your favorite jeans by Presidents Day.

Yes, it's the Stomach Bug.

Since many kids today are so sanitized and anti-bacterialized that they rarely acquire such ailments, they've likely forgotten what the warning signs feel like. And that's where the appetite suppressant comes in: Spend five or 10 minutes cleaning your child's school lunch from the Oriental carpet and you're guaranteed to want to skip dinner.

As an added benefit, you, too, can get the Stomach Bug! Twenty-four hours spent examining the tile in your powder room will surely show up on the scale the next morning.

You just can't beat these quick and effective results!

(Results not typical. Consult your physician before starting this or any other hideous weight-loss program.)

The journal Child Development recently conducted a study claiming that kids gain weight when their mothers work more.

Read the entire article here on CNN.com.

After checking out the entire story, tell us what you think!

According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Escalade Sports is recalling the Oasis Playsets due to fall hazard.

Click here for all of the information about Oasis Playsets.

 

Also, the C.P.S.C. is announcing that Tech 4 Kids is recalling it's Snow Bikes due to fall hazard.  These items were sold at Costco, Walmart and Amazon.com.

Click here for all of the info from Tech 4 Kids.

So, maybe the reason the most popular kids are the most popular is that they're not big jerk-faces.

Click right here to read this story about popularity and bullying.

If only the sort-of-popular kids would get that message things would get better.

When Sam was little, mealtime was torture. He had a limited selection of food he would eat and, if I introduced something new, he would often gag, throw up, even cry.

He looked skinny and I really worried about him. Then Ben came along and was a tiny gourmet. He would try anything, even if he ended up making a face and saying, "Don't like it!"

I came to realize that, for whatever reason, textures were a real problem for my usually well-behaved, well adjusted Sam.

"Work with your kid and involve them in the food choosing," says Susan Epstein, a psychotherapist and parenting coach. "Say, 'Let's do some experiments and find foods that feel good in your mouth'."

Texture issues tend to wear off with age, but picky eating can remain. To make food enjoyable for everyone, Epstein suggests using some creativity.

Write "Mom's Diner" across the top of a white board. Then together create a menu for the week, perhaps even using pictures from magazines or drawings to make this project interesting. That way, kids know what to expect and don't think they have the power to say "no."

"You're making it easier on yourself so you are not a short-order cook," says Epstein, who believes the menu should include a free day and that every child can have one food they are allowed to refuse. This culinary "pass" gives them some control and independence. Keep in mind: Kids tend to like bland food, so your favorite curried chicken may not fly!

In addition to giving children too many options, Epstein believes parents make a mistake when they don't eat with their children.

"We want to have fun at mealtime," says Epstein, who has a practice called Parenting Powers in New London. "It's not about the food. It's about fueling our bodies and connecting with our families."

I formed a plan of action for Sam. I bought some very small toys and stored them up high on a kitchen shelf. If he would try a new food and permanently add it to his menu, he would get a treat. Slowly but surely, this worked.

The gagging didn't entirely disappear, but he now eats a good variety of food, including spinach and salmon, which I never thought I'd see. I don't know what an expert would say about my incentive program, but I got results. As I've learned over the past seven years, if something works, go with it!

 

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Am posting this Superbowl commercial as an homage to my little loves, Jedi Sam and Clone Trooper Ben.  May the Force be with you.

 

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is issuing a warning about SafetyCraft full sized and portable drop-side cribs.  According to the C.P.S.C., hardware on the cribs can fail and place babies and small children at risk of strangulation and suffocation.

 

Click here to read all of the information from the U.S. Consumer Safety Commission.

Rock on, Wanda.

 

OK, here's a battle cry from a Desperate Housewife.  How do you make the hours pass amicably during these marathon snow days???  One after the other???  Now, thanks to this ice storm, we can't even play outside or leave the driveway, for the love of Pete!!!   AAARRRGGGHHHH.

This has been our day so far:

1.)  Made Snoopy a dog house.  Seems I've redeemed myself from past box fiasco (see recent column).  Don't ask why the roof is crooked.  Work with me.

 

2.)  Printed pictures off the internet and made scrapbooks of "All Thing Cool," such as Star Wars, Pompeii, the Superbowl and Chihuahua puppies.  Good project for Sam to learn web research...nice way for Ben to practice cutting with scissors in a straight line.

 

3.)  Made puppets out of old, gross, stretched out sweat socks.  Truthfully, I think I had the most fun.

 

4.)  Stuck googly eyeballs from sock puppets all over the place.  Sort of symbolized the insanity I am experiencing right now.

 

5.)  Read about 100 books.  I proclaimed it "Mommy Library Time" and we pulled all sorts of books out of the bookshelf that we hadn't perused for a long time.  It was actually very nice.  I really miss those days when the boys were little and we would loll around the house doing whatever together.  So, honestly, I've enjoyed some of these snow days.

SOME, I say!!!  Because, it's ONLY 2:00PM!

How can I fill up the rest of the day?  And don't suggest making cookies.  We've made about 5 batches lately and I feel huge.

 

Click here for all of the information!!!

Or, let this post inspire you to be crafty on yet ANOTHER snow day!

Have fun during the ice storm.

Because I am a mean, rotten mother, we still do not own a Wii or Xbox or PlayStation. We do, however, own the Deluxe Edition Scrabble featuring rotating gameboard with turntable base. Jealous, I know.

At this point of Snowverload 2011, we could pretty much call our situation homeschooling. Our routine has become all too familiar. After checking for the "School is Closed" email on my iPhone next to the bed, I snuggle with whichever cat, dog or kid shows up, watching the Today Show until Kathie Lee insults Hoda.

While the non-teenager kids fight over the last bowl of Cookie Crisp (the teenager is asleep, of course) I read the entire newspaper and use yesterday's paper to light a fire in the fireplace. Then the homeschooling begins.

We play a pretty demented version of Scrabble. Every player is allowed to use one capitalized word or abbreviation or acronym. Depending on the day, players are allowed to browse the dictionary or at the least, look up words to check if they exist. (The teenager, now awake, never fails to comment on the archaic dictionary, which seems new to me but was printed in 1992, and does not contain the word "chillax.")

The fifth grader keeps score, which is a fine substitute for the math lesson he has missed so many times he can't remember the answer to two times three. Because of the 37 snow days, late openings and early dismissals this year, we've all seen improvements in our games.

And now for the "Don't hate me because I'm a perfect mother" portion of this blog entry. When I put down a word I ask the kids if they know what it means. If they don't, I encourage them to look it up in the lame dictionary, which is about as old fashioned as going inside an actual bank to get money. We all learn new words, since sometimes we use the rule that each player is allowed one word that is either made up or is too new to be in the dictionary, such as "pwned" (the total domination or shutdown of a person, place or thing, according to Ryan Higa of YouTube fame.)

I've lost the last two games, since I allowed my opponent to put "Jost" on a triple word score. But today, I will totally pwn.

 

Sassy Inc., in cooperation with the Consumer Product Safety Commission, is recalling Refreshing Rings Infant Teethers/Rattles due to ingestion hazard.