August 2010 Archives

OK.  This is pretty shocking.  In response to an article in the New York Post, which said drinking while pregnant is becoming more and more common, a website called The Frisky conducted a poll of it's female readers.  5,000 women responded.  Nearly half said they would drink while pregnant.  What do you think?

We live on a twisty, curvy road that somehow invites people to drive really fast. There's no extra room for pedestrians, there's absolutely no visibility (there's even a Blind Driveway sign right before our house), yet lunatics from all across Connecticut seem to enjoy using this road to pretend they're descendants of Mario Andretti. Within walking distance is an elementary school, a museum and a pool club, yet getting my mail is an act of bravery at 5 p.m.

I've thought about getting one of those red-and-white "Drive Like Your Kids Live Here" signs you've seen dotting our landscape this summer. But there's something a little cranky about putting out a sign like that, and you wonder if anyone will really slow down. The Husband has decided I cannot under any circumstances bring eggs or tennis balls on our walk to school every day, where people actually speed up to go through the school crosswalks. (I'm talking to YOU, Miss Talk-on-your-cellphone-while-driving-your-little-Nissan.)

There's a story in the New London Day about these signs. You can order one for $9.99 (which includes shipping) by visiting the website of a Wethersfield-based company: www.drivelikeyourkidslivehere.com.

I'm totally getting one. I'll let you know if it works, or if I'll need to stock up on eggs and tennis balls.

The Department of Consumer Protection sent out an email alert about the latest toy recall.

Check out the Press release:       magnetic_game_board_82010[1].doc  

You can also read more by logging onto Lakeshore Learning's web site.

     "That's true," says Heather Toyen, the school counselor at Roaring Brook Elementary in Avon.  "Last year, a group of fourth grade girls were brutal.  There were kids who were afraid to come to school."  She says she was dealing with "I don't like you" and "You can't be friends with her" arguments on a daily basis.  Toyen believes intense "Mean Girl" behavior equals bullying and the conflicts often occur at recess time.  Why do they do it?  Well, Toyen believes girls are inspired by what they see on TV.  There's also the Insecurity Theory:  "I feel bad about myself.  So, if I make you feel bad, I'll feel better."

      Parents have a lot of responsibility here.  If you notice any behavior change in your child, take action to figure out what's going on during school hours.  Toyen suggests practicing open communication with your child.  For example, don't just ask, "Did you have a good day?"  In order to get more than a one word answer, say: "Tell me about your time at school."  

     "At home, be a good role model," says Toyen.  "Teach respect and kindness when your children are young."  As early as first grade, Toyen tells kids, "Not everyone is going to be your friend.  And that's OK.  But, you do have to be respectful."

     Somehow, Epic Battles seem much easier to resolve.

"If anybody says anything creepy to you, scream really loud."

Yes, those were my brilliant words of widsom as I left my 10-year-old son to go to the men's room at Fenway Park yesterday.

Just like moms with sons and dads with daugthers everywhere, I've been trying to figure out tho whole "when can they go into a public restroom alone" thing for almost 10 years. I still get flak from the boys when I pause to question the safety of letting them "go" alone, and I continue to question it long after the going is done.

Maybe it's because I kind of hate going places with large crowds. Or maybe it's because I really hate public restrooms. I mean really.

So when is a reasonable age to let your child leave your sight and explore the wonders of urinal cakes without a parent present? This story addresses the issue pretty well.

I tend to be on the relaxed side of stranger danger worries. I know most people who will do creepy things to your kids are creeps you already know.

But that won't likely stop me from standing outside the men's room door, listening for signs of anything creepy.

Because I write about parenting issues, my inbox gets filled with emails from PR and marketing people promoting their kid-related products and services. But because I generally write about 'tweens and teens, some of the pitches just aren't age-appropriate.

This one, however, for the "Nap Sack" from Little Giraffe is too good to pass up. Now that you're in the midst of attempting to drag your teen out of bed each morning -- after months of sleeping until at least 11 -- here's an item that could help.

The Nap Sack (not shown above) is an "essential new item" for little ones heading back to school. For only $90, your now-shaving, taller-than-you teen can bring along this cutle little sack with an "ultra soft and cozy sleeping blanket and chenille satin pillow, which both fit into this easy carry-on backpack. Because it's wachine washable, parents will know ther children are sleeping in their own germ-free personal bedding at naptime."

I swear, if everybody else in eighth grade had one, and something called naptime still existed, my oldest would cozy up with one of these in a heartbeat. Every sleep-deprived teen in America would forfeit a prime locker location and half of their lunch period for a chance to sleep.

Maybe they could make them in a style that's a little more teen-appropriate and a little less giraffey. Ooh, and how about a little pocket in the backpack for a cell phone?

I vowed to keep this summer simple and, boy, did I live up to my promise. We've been sleeping in, eating breakfast at 9:30 and playing baseball in our jammies all morning.

The school year is ridiculously hectic, so relaxing with my two young sons has been wonderful. But suddenly it's the end of vacation and I've begun to worry. What's going to happen to us in a week? Will starting school again be an enormous jolt for all of us?

Dr. Tracey Krasnow, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Saint Francis Hospital in Hartford, suggests start preparing now. Have your child go to bed a little earlier and wake up a little earlier. Go shopping for school clothes or supplies together. Make an effort to shift the mindset and get back into the academic groove before September.

"Have your child read a book or write a paragraph about what you did this summer," he suggests. "Start them off before the first morning of school so they don't wake up shell-shocked."

Be prepared for some transitional issues and separation anxiety. According to Krasnow, first-day-of-school jitters is common and the best way to prevent serious nervousness is to be prepared. Communicate with your child about his new teacher and the exciting events the year will hold, he says: "Start to talk about all this, so they know what to expect on day one." Consider taking a walk around the school grounds with your child to discuss classroom location and the new bus route.

I am heeding this advice, but there is a part of me that wants to hold on to the summer vibe as long as I possibly can. No matter how much we prepare in the next few days, I'm still expecting that big morning to be a doozy.

Thank goodness for Labor Day.

Click here to get more Back to School advice from Scholastic!

Here's today's column for your reading pleasure.

In the same way that I believe you should get calories taken away when you are offerered a doughnut and decline, I think I should get a few wrinkles and spots removed because of this fact: Nobody got a sunburn during a whole week we just spent at the shore. Not even the really white and freckly kid.

Have a great weekend and don't forget your sunscreen!

My son Sam was a VERY picky eater.  So, when he was little, I bought Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook about hiding veggies in various casseroles.  And I began experimenting on my own.  Not so much with hiding cauliflower in Mac and Cheese (that recipe was so disgusting it prompted me to toss the entire pan of food into the trash).  I just started baking delicious concoctions that he simply couldn't resist.  And, how would he know that those yummy pumpkin-spiced muffins were really, really good for him?  My devious plan worked like a charm and there is one particular recipe that I've made over and over...and it's always met with great enthusiasm.

So, in honor of Fun Food Friday ( a tradition in my house) I am sharing the recipe with you.  Years ago, I printed it off Martha Stewart's web site.  And, I swear, cooking this batter as muffins or bread will make you feel like the domestic goddess herself!

Zucchini Spice Bread

1 large zucchini

1 cup packed light brown sugar

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

2/3 cup vegetable oil

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

2 large eggs

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

3/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/8 teaspoon ground cloves

*Preheat oven to 350.  Coat bread mold or muffin tin with cooking spray,  Grate zucchini.

*Mix together sugars, oil, vanilla, eggs

*Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and spices.

*Mix both bowls together and add zucchini

*For muffins, cook for 1/2 hour...bread will take longer...45 min to 1 hour.  Test with a toothpick.

Enjoy!

(P.S. The photo of the zucchini comes from Bon Appetit's web site!)

Maybe if parents were less "worried and confused" and more "loving and accepting," having a boy who likes pink or a girl who likes Tonkas wouldn't freak people out.

Angelina Jolie's daughter declared this summer that she wants to be a boy. (Maybe that's because all the girl bathing suits this season were simply all wrong.) Now experts are weighing in (because that's what reporters keep asking them to do) with tips on how to not freak out. This story explains that some therapists are now "taking the relatively new approach of supporting kids who want to live openly as members of the opposite sex."

Whoa. Support your kid? You mean, tell him he's great no matter what? That's crazy talk.

   Shock of all shocks.  A new study suggests Superheroes aren't exactly the greatest influence on young boys.  That's the findings of a new study of characters in current superhero flicks.

   Apparently researchers recently presented these findings to the American Psychological Association.  At issue?  The behavior of modern day heroes...not the ones we loved as tots.  Interesting.  I always knew Wonder Woman was cool.

   Go ahead, read the study.   It's interesting.  The researcher suggests boys today have two options to aspire to:  a weapon-weilding, woman-loving vigilante or a "Superbad"-syle slacker.

   This is my slight wisdom as a semi-experienced mom.  I pretty much controlled the toys we played with, the books we read and the shows/movies we watched until my oldest son was about five and a half.  We were all about Playhouse Disney and Thomas.  But, there comes a time when they'll see something at the bookstore that interests them.  They'll hear about something at school that intrigues them.  And that's OK.  Sam became interested in Superheroes....so, we explored the genre together.  I've become a big "serious talker."  We talk about what's real and what's pretend.  I don't worry so much about keeping things from them anymore....I just know that if we "go there", we'll keep the lines of communication open about violent storylines, etc.

   That said:  would I allow my boys -- almost 7 and 5 -- to see the Tobey Maguire "Spiderman" movies or the Robert Downey Junior "Iron Man's"?  Absolutely not.   But, there is a line of Super Friends books that I find to be compleely appropriate for young kids.

Check them out on Amazon. 

   Super good luck with this latest tid bit to think about.....

Click here to read a related story on Yahoo.com. 

The things that make staying on a sleepy island quaint (no CVS or Dunkin' Donuts) can also make your time away challenging (seriously, no CVS or Dunkin' Donuts.)

While borrowing Grandma's beach house on Fishers Island, NY, the boys and I tend to eat pretty simply, making do with whatever we've brought (or caught.) Last night, after my oldest realized that we didn't bring the only salad dressing he likes, I challenged him to make some himself. I gave the 10-year-old the job of making the salad.

They took their jobs seriously, with the salad maker actually creating a mise en place (a French phrase meaning "everything in place," pronounced MEEZ ahn plahs) like he's seen his gourmet dad do at home, only with Dixie cups instead of special tiny bowls.

And, just as importantly, they ate their creations with much more enthusiasm than if I had not included them. Everybody joined the clean-plate club.

I know this sounds like one of those hokey/annoying suggestions you'd read in parenting magazines -- the ones that cause parents to feel inadequate because they don't have time between work and scouts and karate to let their kids mess up the kitchen. I know.

But vacation is different. We have the time. And now we have a new salad dressing recipe.

Jack's Salad:

2 cups lettuce

2 cups chopped carrots

1 cup cherry tomatoes

1 cup chopped apples

Spencer's Dressing:

Mix together olive oil and soy sauce. Add maple syrup and sprinkle on some white pepper. Finally, squeeze a lime into the mixture. Stir as you pour onto your salad.

For awhile now, Sam has been boldly stating that he will attend three colleges.  He's six.  But, I swear, he's into it.  One in Beantown (he loves the Sox), one in The Windy City (Poppy went to University of Chicago) and the last in The City That Never Sleeps (he adores skycrapers).  Add to that, a semester in Italy (like Mom)...another at Trinity (like Mom and Dad). 

Naturally, I think he'll grow up to be a brain surgeon or The President.  Maybe both,  But, right now, we'll just focus on First Grade.

If any of you are also obsessed with "all things ivy", check out  this list from Forbes Magazine.  Forget U.S News & World Report this is all about the students rating the colleges and universities.

Wesleyan and Yale get good marks.

But, for Sam, I'm thinking maybe Harvard.  (kidding)  (sort of)

I need to win the lottery, don't I?

According to this report in the latest Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, young girls are developing earlier and are more likely to start developing breasts by the age 7 or 8 than in the past.

We hear more and more about girls today getting their periods by the age of 10 -- much earlier than a generation ago. And this hardly surprises me given two things: Obesity and hormones.

Parents who limit the number of calories being consumed by their children and encourage physical activity are doing more than just keeping their kids in shape: Early puberty is thought to increase the chance of breast cancer.

And parents who consciously buy foods made with no growth hormones -- such as organic milk -- are doing more than just looking smart at the Whole Foods checkout.

For more information on preventing early development and puberty, check out these free dowloadable publications from the Breast Cancer Fund. 

Here's the latest recall announcement from The Department of Consumer Protection.

A wooden toy rattle has been recalled due to choking hazard:  dunn_rattle[1].doc  

Also check out the company's web site for more information.

Last summer, my boys and I agreed that the television and computer would not go on until after 4 p.m. Much to just about everyone's surprise, it worked remarkably well, even after school started and we continued the schedule on weekends.

But then the iTouch came into our home. The two oldest saved up their allowance and gift cards and bought themselves these handheld devices on which you can play games, listen to music and even text.

I've now lost control of how much time they're spending in front of glowing screens. They use them in the car, which is sort of lovely because everyone is quiet but also sort of pathetic -- especially noted on our recent vacation to Vermont, where I'd have to yell to call attention to the beautiful mountains and scenery surrounding us.

According to this new report kids are spending even more time mesmerized by such devices -- with the average young person using some form of media nearly eight hours a day. Experts warn that this trend doesn't look good in terms of drug and alcohol use, grades and kids' general happiness.

Parents are going to have to step in and turn the little time-sucking devices off. Somehow I think this is going to be more difficult than weaning a two-year-old from his binkie.

Sam is almost 7 years old, and he doesn't miss a trick.

He picks up on any family issue, big or small, by zoning in on what I say to Gram on the phone. He reads headlines in the newspaper. Remember the spelling code that adults use around small children? "The neighbor's dog D-I-E-D." Forget it, Sam figures it out.

So, when I said to my husband, "What a horrible story out of Manchester," Sam called out from the next room, "What story? What happened?"

I froze.  When an inquisitive child asks about a senseless tragedy such as the shooting at Hartford Distributors that left nine dead, how should a parent respond?

"First and foremost, you try to shield them as much as possible," says Dr. Laura Saunders, a child and adolescent psychologist at the Institute of Living in Hartford. "But inevitably, things filter through. Keep it simple."

She advises providing the least amount of information in a calm, direct manner. In response to a question about the Manchester killings, for example, Saunders would say, "A man went to his work and hurt other people."

Saunders believes too much information can be damaging to young minds: "You scare them and create unnecessary anxiety."

She says children also respond emotionally to storm warnings that come on the TV, out of the blue: "Address their anxiety, provide security and comfort," Saunders advises.

I want my boys to be kids as long as possible. I hope they continue to skip, leap and giggle without a care in the world. They'll be dealing with the realities of life soon enough. And, I have to say, the fact that hard-working people can go to their jobs and never return home is almost unbelievable. Even for a grown-up.

If you've ever wondered if you're paying your babysitter an appropriate hourly rate, here's a site that will calculate it for you. Enter your zip code, number of children and age and experience of prospective sitter and Sittercity.com will do the math.

We've apparently been wildly underpaying our sitters to eat our junk food and text their friends. The rate for my town and my kids: $15.75 an hour. No. Really.

I got some really great feedback after Monday's column about "Time Out VS. Time Away."

Here are two interesting and useful comments from my email and Facebook page.

This is from Lillian Handleman:  "I couldn't agree with you more about diffusing bad behavior with a hug. One reason this technique is so effective is because it's disarming, in that it's totally  unexpected. Best of all, it can be used on toddlers, school age trouble makers, and adults alike. The response is almost always stunning. Who doesn't respond to a calming hug when they don't deserve one, especially when accompanied by soft, reassuring words? Time-outs can be such a load of crap as far as altering behavior. They're just temporary, like band-aids, and are more for the parent than the kids, I think--a cursory solution at best. Having said that, I think you have to be careful not to overuse the hug or it will become insincere--or worse, perceived as a reward for bad behavior. To be effective it has to be brief, genuine, and used in moderation."

And, this is courtesy of Sarah Libero:  "We have J go "relax his body" in his room in conjunction with time outs (which don"t work: he thinks it's a game most of the time or the behavior really escalates). Great topic :)"

Please keep the comments coming!  We parents can use all the help we can get!

For years, I waited for some cranky business traveler or fellow Pizzeria Uno diner to start something when I breastfed my babies in public. Nobody ever complained.

That might change today for some in-your-face feeders.

Hartford Hospital is planning a record breaking breastfeeding event today to mark Worldwide Breastfeeding week.

Today at noon "simultaneous nursing" will occur on the West Hartford side of Elizabeth Park, by the Rose Garden.

For more information go to http://hartfordhospital.com/women/PregnancyChildbirthServices/Breastfeeding/default.aspx

These same attributes of the cave also make it great for hiking to as well. It is comfortable enough once you are inside, and flashlights aren't necessary due to the hole pointing to the sky. The den is accessible from the Metacomet Trail, near Route Six. Wear long pants due to ticks and poison ivy (my cousin later found a tick on him), bring more water than you think you'll need, and if you stick to the trail (marked by blue blazes) then you will not get lost and will most likely find the den. Other highlights of the hike are the scenic overlook -- from which you can see miles of Connecticut's countryside (including the Plainville Lowe's) -- and the daredevil area on top of the cave, accessible via footholds on the back of the den.

Please read these recall announcements from The Department of Consumer Protection.

The Nap Nanny Infant Recliner:

nap_nanny_final2010_recall[1].doc

The Tots In Mind Play Yard:

playard_recall_august_2010[1].doc 

Roman Shades:

roll_up_blinds_August_2010[1].doc 

    I never really gave my oldest son, Sam, "time outs."  I would tell him not to do something and he wouldn't do it.  But don't hate me yet.  Ben came along and soared through Toddlerhood with unbelievable bursts of bad behavior.  Where did it come from?  Who knows but I started experimenting with the infamous behavior modification.  He would take a fit over the silliest thing.  "I don't want pizza.  I want pizza!"  It was very frustrating, and honestly, the traditional "time out" just didn't seem to work.  It escalated the situation and his emotions.  One day, I grabbed him, hugged him tightly and told him to relax.  Amazingly, his breathing steadied, he stopped crying and before this episode turned epic, it was over.  But, did I do the right thing?  Aren't parents supposed to use "time outs"?
     "No.  The classic 'time out' is a huge failure with a lot of young boys," says Dr. Anthony Rao, a pediatric psychologist who recently wrote the book "The Way of Boys:  Raising Healthy Boys in a Challenging and Complex World."  He believes asking a child to sit still when he is over stimulated doesn't work. He suggests "time aways" instead and cites one of his favorite children's books, "Where the Wild Things Are," by Maurice Sendak, as a great example.  Max is sent to his room where he calms down by creating a fantastical story.  "Kids can reflect in a safe, familiar environment and then they're going to miss you and want to come out."  Be sure that your child's room is a peaceful spot, not jammed with toys, and that you don't interfere with their quiet time.  Give them space to work through their feelings.
     Rao, who is speaking at The Fairfield Public Library in October, says there's no age limit to the "time away" technique.   When disagreements arise with an unruly teen, you can still say, "Go upstairs.  Hang out.  You figure it out."
     Ironically enough, I have been sending Ben to his room lately.  I might hear a boo-hoo or two, but then it's quiet.  Usually, he looks at books, unwinds and emerges a changed boy.  And, like Max, he's always ready for dinner!

Check out Dr. Rao's website. 

*****Dr. Anthony Rao will be kicking off a fall parenting series at The Fairfield Public Library on October 7th at 7:00pm.