In the past month or so, my 2 1/2 year old has become quite a chatterbox.
I love that he's able to express himself, and I'm still astounded every time he speaks in complete sentences.
But there is one new sentence that stabs me straight in the heart.
"Mommy, don't go to work."
That came for the first time two Sundays ago, after we'd spent the morning together as a family.
Before we knew it, the morning was gone.
"It's mommy guilt," one of my friends told me. "There's no end to it."
Three out of four women with children are in the workforce, according the U.S. Department of Labor. I would venture to say, most of them know this feeling well.
My friend Colleen does. She's a mother of two, and a recent post on the social networking site Facebook mirrored my pain:
"Stew didn't want to go to school and kept throwing himself on the floor yelling, 'I miss my mommy.' Nothing like being heartbroken on a Monday morning."
"You have to remember they aren't coming up with these feelings on their own," cautions JCC Early Childhood Center's co-director Pam Powell.
"So you have to ask yourself, where is it coming from? Kids take your emotions and make them their own."
Powell suggests parents try to be more matter-of-fact about leaving, and less emotional.
"Say something like, 'Mommy goes to work, but we still spend time together every day, and I love that time,' " Powell says.
If you feel good about it, so will they, Powell promises.
It's easier said than done.
Most of us would rather spend the day playing with our kids than doing just about anything else.
But I'm trying and the lesson seems to be sinking in.
I couldn't believe my eyes last week when my son walked up to a little girl in his daycare class who was crying for her mommy. He patted her back and told her what I always tell him, "Don't worry, Mommy's coming back soon."
Rebecca,
I am an author of the award winning book "Mommy Guilt" (AMACOM 2005). When we were researching our book we surveyed over 1300 parents (mainly moms) and realized levels of mommy guilt are approximately the same regardless of employment status. The inducers are different, but the levels of guilt? Same. So please stop beating yourself up that you work and would be happier if you were home, it's not necessarily so. Nor should you feel guiltier for your child's response to you working. I'm surprised Ms. Powell made no mention of child development and emotions. There are stages in a child's development when they feel far more connected to parents and this can sometimes foster their negativity about being away from a parent, regardless of the reason. It could seem like it's the daycare, but really it's the developmental issue.
Aviva and I would be happy to send you a copy of our book. Should we just send it to the station?
Devra
Devra@Parentopia.com
PS I am a grad of Hamden High, just down the road a bit from Hartford. : )
Kids know how to push your buttons, don't they? I've been lucky that my daughter never seems to mind that I work. She doesn't know any different. And now she's in preschool, so I tell her that's her "job" just like Mommy and Daddy have their jobs.